At Bay

How do you know when you’re beat? When you’ll never recover, and all that’s left is to cower away from the shade of your monsters?

It starts honest. The worst mistakes are honest. A simple compromise, a tongue between the lips. I never saw losing you-I grew up in the shadow of your invincibility. I know I had no chance to be at peace, but it still feels wrong.

What did you see out there in the years beyond where I am now? Is it for the best to be excluded from loving her beyond the police tape? I can’t believe I fucked up. I can’t believe you’re dead.

Someone puts on a brave face, does their chores, and goes to bed.

Someone stares up at the ceiling pondering how they can lose something that they never owned.

Someone wonders, “How do you know when sleep will never come?”